so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
