If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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