Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
