i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
