Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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