There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
