my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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