for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
