Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
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just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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