In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
