Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My ass is underappreciated
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
