Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
