I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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