just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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