Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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