oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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