My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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