Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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