he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we're so committed to being not committed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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