this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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