we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
