I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
