I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
