I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
