her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
