Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well you can't waste a boner
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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