i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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