I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
