i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
