The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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