My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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