She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
