My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
