Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
