my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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