I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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