worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
