Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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