doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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