fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
