Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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