tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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