Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
