you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
