you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
last night I used snow as a chaser
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
