I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
