Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i love accidental penises.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
