So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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