A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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