Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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