Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
