If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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