Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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