i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
