I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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