she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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