can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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