i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
