I'm sorry my penis didn't work
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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