I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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