You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
