i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize