Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
