Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
