Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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