I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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