I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize